My early life was consumed with inadequacy, panic and I felt heavy, weighted, always a sense of shame.
You see the belief system is apart of development, informed by experiences, including those outside of anyone's control, environment and the words, statements said to us about us or around us, all subconsciously absorbed. We form beliefs and consequently those beliefs form the construct of our lives, every thought, feeling and behavioural response, not just those that go around; you know the ones, it is like being on hamster wheel, it just keep going, but you want to get off!
For so long I felt burdened, not enough, experiencing limiting anxiety, inferiority and fear, but it was familiar, my pattern, I didn't know any different or what I know now.
Yes I craved an understanding of myself, had an urge to break free, never more than when I became a young mum, I wanted desperately to be a good role model, it was overwhelming, it was most definitely a process.
I now know that is ok, practice makes progress.
I took courses, read books, not always easy with a specific learning difficulty, so I learned about neuro diversity, had counselling, hypnotherapy, Reiki and I went to meditation classes. Over the years I connected to emotions I had worked so hard to ignore, push away and disassociate from.
I began to listen to my inner critic, the words, the statements, and names I said to myself about myself. Then came the stark realisation, I was a bully, I bullied myself!
Systematically I put myself down long before anyone else got a chance too, after the thunder bolt hit, I got curious, motivated to explore and understand, establishing a new pattern, an every day mindful practice. making small but significant change. Forming a new updated mindset one that worked for me and not against me, one accurately informed, I am enough. I became unstuck, like having your eyes wiped clean, seeing yourself and the world new and shiny full of hope and excitement.
What is empowering my forever growing story is a gift, it didn't used to feel like it but it is offering powerful understanding, fuelling my passion, giving back, sharing, we can choose to stay stuck or to set our self be free updating the messages we send to our brain, learning to support, accept and love our self.
Nurturing connection love yourself first to get the most from every relationship, starting with the one you have with yourself.
I no longer judge myself through the eyes of a small and insecure child, I trained to be what I had always secretly wanted to be, connecting to my purpose, a therapist, nurturing connection, leaving limiting belief where it belongs in the past and so can you.
I am excited to hear your story and thank you for taking the time to read mine,
And remember to talk to yourself as you would your best friend, someone you love; loving yourself, your gift to you from you, a life long investment.